2:53a - So 2a rolled around and everyone kinda thought “hunh. Kinda hungry…” and we thought and realized we last ate at 4p. Decided we’d stop at Reno to nom. Nothing like a Casino dinner at 2am. So we’re in Nevada… I guess it’s not really 3:53a anymore. Back to California time. I’m like a dopey tourist. For some reason I’m extremely fascinated with the snow fall. It’s gorgeous. I tried getting pics of flakes and I can’t figure out how to manually focus the camera. Laaame.
Boys are putting chains on. I guess the 2.5hr trip is going to be more like 3-5. Oh, well. Not like I’m in a hurry.
8:09p - that was a great trip.
It was all negativity and doubt until the speakers started…
I’m full of guilt, excitement, and apprehension. I have to quit my job. Well, jobs. I know I’ll succeed. I’ve known the products, I’ve known the company, I just wasn’t sure of myself. I’m sure of it now though, and know I can do it… But not without time and flexibility to travel. Boss-Chris has just been the best boss ever… No where ever would I ever imagine I’d get a boss so flexible and caring. Well, except for when I’m my own boss. Nyuk nyuk nyuk. I digress.
So I’m excited to get started. I’m excited to start approaching people. I’m excited to get shot down so I can improve. I’m excited to get positive feedback and start building my team. I’m excited to be on my way to not just be out of debt, but really be finalcially free.
I’m terrified of getting rejected. I’m terrified of quitting my job. I’m terrified of approaching people. I’m trerrified to face my personal fears, go above, beyond, and improve myself.
I feel guilty for leaving my boss. I feel he’s done so much for me: given me the job, flexible hours, health benefits. But I’m realizing now, he’s been nothing but honest to me, and vice versa. I need to just give him notice so we can get an acceptable replacement trained and I can progress in my life.
I’m moving forward.
Trav and Chelsea decided they want to move out, so there’s their house for rent. While I want to jump on it, it’s another concern of extra expense while I’m shifting… But… Then again… It’d be another boost for me to really get my act together. It’s all truth that people who have a back-up cushion will never give it 100%. I’m determined to give it all, to let it go and get paid for what I work for, so I can give back to those who have helped along the way.
Mushy mush and squish, I really am fortunate.
And through all these fears, my Chris is supportive:
“We need to discuss stuff… I think house sounds great, but I am really also realizing I need to quit my job(s) and focus. I can get to my current income within a few months if I work correctly…
I’m scared, but know I can do it.
Sent via BettyBerry”
“You just have to decide to.� I’m here for support (financial and otherwise ).� Commit to it and I’m behind you 100%”
How did I luck out like this? When I doubt myself and start losing hope, Chris pulls me back and sets me straight.
It’s going to be a long and rocky ride… But I’m jumping in front and taking the wheel.
2:26p- Soooo… Nothing going on today… Drove out here and booked the hotel, got the early check in… And the shit doesn’t start until tomorrow. Lovely.
Starting to lose it. Getting very cranky. People are irritating me. I’ve got Randy Newman in my party (she feels the need to state everything that’s going on, eg “oh, look, mountain.” “Oh look, it’s raining.” “Oh look, dog has fur.”)
We went to Ross. The woman was courteous, but useless. I went ahead and bought these ginormous bags so I wouldn’t need to use plastic. As I walk up, she takes a slightly touched bag and throw it out. “Hi, find everything ok?” “Yeah. Two transactions, please. Do you have scissors for these?” Since the bags were zip tied. “Yes, ok. You want a bag for these?” Points at the bags. “No, no bag. I am using these bags for my items.” “Oh, ok. So a bag?” Shit.
I tell her the next items are separate. She rings me, then puts receipt in bag. Goes “oh yes. Ok! So, find everything ok, yes? This is it?” Ohmigod, really? “Uh… Yeah.” She gets the items and puts them in a bag. “No. No bag. I don’t need a bag.” “Oh! Oh right, yes. Thank you.” Takes them out, puts them in my bag. “Is that all?” Mothereffin “yes.”
Really? Shit.
I should take a nap but am not tired. I should go to the gym. Elliptical a mile or seven. Super short shorts, a sweater and clogs are totally normal gym wear, right?
6:08a - Got the chains and the snow cleared up 100%. Sweeeeet. Got my touristy picture with the billowy fluffy stuff in the air before it stopped, so I’m all good. Stopped at ‘Bucks and bought the store (got a new tumbler since 47 of them isn’t enough) while Ping booked the room. The place has a late check-in… 2p. Lame. Oh, well… 2.5 star place for $70 a night. Not bad, I think. Thanks, Priceline Negotiator!
The sky is getting bright and it’s way pretty out. Very clean. Passing through Elburz, Nevada. The city has a z in its name. Cooooool.
Picked up a sleep mask at the Wal-Mart *hiss* and some Bonine and Sea Bands for Xing Ping. She’s resting, Jack’s passed out in the back, Betty Au-Ee’s playing “Big E” on her iPhone and Oing’s drivin’. Now that I’ve had some tea, stinky spinach wrap and vanilla scone, I think I’ll put the mask on and try to rest.
4:16a- Holy shit snow! Wow, I’ve never seen snow like this before… We’re in the middle of Nevada now. I woke up to snow pelting at us. It’s almost like Star Wars. Well, like the credits I’ve seen, considering I’ve never seen it.
We’re starting to lose the road now. Traveling about 10mph. We’re turning around to get chains. Thank goodness the boys have dealt with snow before. Yeeeeesh.
Got a slight video of it, but couldn’t capture it well. We’re pulling over now. So exciting, beautiful, yet terrifying. Neck’s tense. O.o
Jack: So is this a ‘blizzard’?
Ping: Um no… This is ’snow falling.’
Gotta love being Californian.
–
5:08a - snow totally cleared. Still snow on the ground, but it isn’t billowing down. We had stopped for chains, but the stop only had chains for big rigs. We’re still going to stop by the *shudder* Wal-Mart *hiss* to get some to be on the safe side.
Strangely, we’ve been the only car going East for some time now. One big rig has passed. All cars are going West. Well, arriving at the stop now. We’re all totally wired awake now.
1:21a - well, this’ll throw a damper into things. For Nu Skin there is a training in Utah every month called Team Elite University (TEU). I’ve been meaning to go since August… Many things have hindered this trip. Finally going, but it’s a road trip. Group I’m going with first was thinkin “we’ll just take the Civic!” I’m like… Peace man, no way. 5 people? On a 10+ hour trip? Fuck that shit.
Mama spoke up for my back and me and was all “yo bitches, stop with the stingies, you need a van, yo!” Thank goodness.
Turns out the trip is 12+ hours. I had a Betty retard moment and thought we bordered Utah. What? Nevada? Oh yeah. Nevada.
We were supposed to leave 8p. Ended up actually leaving at 9:45p. We’re just outside Reno now.
Pretty bummed I forgot my eye mask. hard to sleep with all the lights. I remember sleeping so easily. Always. Maybe it’s the stress that this sleep is my night’s sleep, not just a passing nap. Maybe it’s my eyelids getting thinner from my old age.
So we finally get going and the driver decides to short cut it dad-style and take the windiest road after Lumbart. Passenger got carsick in 10 minutes. We stopped four times and she finally yakked a mile before the freeway. Got on 80 and it’s been relatively smooth since.
Stopped at a Travel Center for pees, gas, Wendy’s and Dramamine for sicky. Poor thing. I’m glad I have my Sea Bands. I remember when I’d force myself to be carsick as a kid. (Dad would get seriously pissed when I got sick. You know. ‘Cuz I did it voluntarily.)
Smelled the Wendy’s and needed fries. Damned hunger seriously increases exponentially once midnight kicks in. It’s how I got all fat a while back. I’m sure giving in and fry munching will be regretted later.
Back on the road and I’m totally awake. Total crap. Can’t get comfortable and the back’s stiffening. Neck’s what’s hurting.
Well, staring at the bright phone won’t help… Off I go.
Friday, February 12, 2010: So it’s 1:53a and I’m still awake. I guess it’s technically Saturday. Whatever. Been working on the CACCCforum, not that it’s necessary… just started it and got all addicted to make it work. Got it up, just gotta get it configured and pretty. Made the Googlegroup for it the other day, but realized it’d be better to just have forums. I don’t really like how the groups are structured for the sake of the coalition.
Doing this made me look at my forum. Stupid piece of shit. Bots and spammers have attacked it to shit. It’s got like 7000 new messages and members. Had to go and delete them all, couldn’t get it to work right, so am trying to update it. So now it’s down. Fuckers.
I should go to bed. Not censoring well… ok, g’nite.
Total fail. Fell asleep probably 12:30a after blogging. Fluttered 5:50a. Didn’t even wake to my light alarm, took a while before the phone woke me at 8:12a. 9a, 10a… Chris got up and got ready and left. 11a… 12p… 1p… 2p… Wtf?
My low back’s been buggy, and I’ve been so tired I’m hoping it’s PMS. IF I was on a 24-day cycle, it’s now day 22… But my body’s not known for regularity. Since I started, I’d range from a 22-day to 45-day. Thus the glory and immediate love for The Pill. Regularity ahoy! Made the cycles MUCH lighter. Went from seven-day border line anemia causing death to three to five-day regular cycle. Made PMS much more mild as well (I know, doesn’t seem like it, but it can actually be worse…)… In high school I’d miss school from cramps. I don’t remember having back pain, but probably.
So it’s now my sixth “cycle” off of The Pill, which I was on for a good nine years. It’s ranged from 31-42 days, mild to regular, each time getting heavier and crampier. As you can see I’m extremely excited to see what the next months will bring. How is it done? “-s”? Sarcasm. Yeah.
So back to PMS. Low back pain that was rendering me useless this morning. I readjusted at 10a when Chris got up (sweaty spot ew) and found the “0-G” floaty spot. Relaxed low back let me realize the mid and upper back are bad, too. Oh, the neck too! Yay! Cripple! Let the boss know I was dying… Trying to will myself up, but outlook not so good. See, usually if it’s just the regular back pain, once I’m up my body’s like “oh, not lying down trying to rest? Ok! I’ll lay off on the pain!” But that requires pushing past the pain and getting up and moving for 10-15 minutes. Boo.
I felt decent at 11a, then got up. Then realized I didn’t really, because I woke up at 11:20a, still in bed, but unable to move. Chris was home and sprayed water on me with the Mexican workers, and I threw a fit since our boat house is open to the baseball field and… Oops, still asleep. I couldn’t seem to get up for real. Then it was 1:45p.
Back is manageable now, but still draggy, physically. Times like these I hate my body.
–
Well, stayed awake, but in bed reading until 7:30p. Ate left over noms Chris made me and a Krispies treat. Showered, played DS (I’ve apparently dropped it off the bed one too many times… The top screen’s all wonky. Doesn’t concern me, though, since mt game of choice is Solitaire and most others also only use the bottom) and it’s back to bed!
I wonder while looking at myself in the mirror. Spent all day (and night…) In bed, eating only once, and my body is tiny as can be. I can’t help but like what I see. I wonder, though, if I were to be this size permenantly if it would still be good enough, or if I’d then want to be even smaller still. Which reminds me… I should really go to the gym tomorrow.
I have a hemmoroid I’ve had it for years, but it didn’t really bother me. Now it seems to pop out when I make a delayed poop. I did today (after two days), and it’s back. Jie says they either go away, or I surgically make it go away. Since it’s the same one that’s just lingered… Boo. No like
Barely made it to work on time. Very sleepy. Did the 5:30a shutter, then snoozed from alarm (7:30a-ish) until 9a. Didn’t actually get out of bed until 10a.
Business meeting/party was held in our office so there was much sushi (Boss catered lunch via sushi) and many business folk, and I was dressy today in suit.
CACCC work went ok. Drive was horribly difficult. So tired. Microwave still reeks. Packed up at 9:45p, then chatted Nu Skin until 10:30p. Boo. Drove home and saw little bounding animal… Deer? LONG PUFFY TAIL?! Fox? Went around a building to see it again, but it had bounded to safety. Was so tempted to find the puffy tail, but I guess it’d be bad to sneak up on a fox. Murmered safe wishes to it and went home.
Chatted with Am, who managed to cut her finger with a protected blade, and got home, showered, and is now. Tomorrow Nu Skin. Sleepy.
Stats:
-Sleep: 8.5 hours
-Breakfast: A prune
-Lunch: Teriyaki chicken, beef and salmon with rice. Rice Krispies Treat!!!!
-CACCC
-Shower: 11:15p
-Dim Lights: 11:35p
-In bed: 11:45p
Monday, February 9, 2010: Well. Failing. Gotta get back on track. I’ll never get to my nap(s) at this rate. I think I probably passed out around 12:30a. Had continuous nightmares which consisted of being in a weird house. There were people with limbs that had been cut off (mayhem), and just gory sites. Constantly had “wake up” sessions where I’d wake in another room and be confused of my surroundings, most likely since I wasn’t really awake and so I was in another room that didn’t exist in my real world, and I’d shout out to my sister or Chris for assistance since I couldn’t move, but since I was sleeping no real sound came out and images of people attacking kept circling around while I was pinned to my bed, unable to speak and unable to move. Did the 5:30a shake awake, freezing and sweaty, went back to sleep. 7:30a woke up still in sweat, tried to move to a dry spot but it was freezing. 9:00a was awake enough to move, and was a bit dryer. Just rolled over and layed there as the snooze went on and off. Didn’t really get up and out of bed until 9:50a. Left at the old normal time of 10:25a and got here two minutes shy of 11a. Feeling really drained. Wanted to go to the gym tonight since I didn’t last week, but I really don’t feel up to it. Back is aching and my eyes are drooping. I opened all the blinds in here, though, and it’s nice and bright. I should eat something, but not hungry yet.
–
Updated on 2/10: so forgot to write again. I left work at 5:30p and went to Costco then Target. Been craving the Rice Krispies Treats so got the goods to make said Treats. Came home and Chris shortly followed (he’d been in Fairfield since Sat night).
He started cooking soup for me, rice and chicken nuggets for him, as I showered. Came out and made Treats. Put it in a loaf pan instead of brownie pan so they’d be massive.
Dimmed lights, and nommed while watching “My Super Ex-Girlfriend.” Seriously random. Entertaining enough.
Ate 1/3 of the pan (really. Yeah. I know.), brushed and came to bed. Fell asleep around 12:30am
hard to sleep with all the lights. I remember sleeping so easily. Always. Maybe it’s the stress that this sleep is my night’s sleep, not just a passing nap. Maybe it’s my eyelids getting thinner from my old age.