october 11, 2000; wednesday


10:06pm

read noah's jounal just now. it's kinda silly how amorette is using his... uh... what's it called... oh. guestbook as a journal kinda too. silliness. anyway. it's great how noah just assumed i'd "talk shit" about him and stuff in here just cuz he's said he's stopped trying. ok. i've dealt with this many times already with different guys who "stop trying." i understand. i'm not talking shit. well i am. but not about not trying. i know you can't just stop caring and thinking about people and trying to stop is hard to do. but if that's what he wants then that's what he's gonna do. it's kinda annoying tho. he says he thinks about himself too much and he's gotta stop. he says he's going to, and he feels bad for thining about himself so much. but in the same writing he says that after reading about him not obsessing over me i'm gonna talk shit, making me sound like super bitch. ok, i'm ultimate bitch #2, not super bitch, and i don't appreciate the assuming he did. and then he said that he's a cool guy and stuff. yeah, he is. but basically going behind girls' backs twice isn't a cool guy thing to do. and right there saying that he is is again thinking about himself, trying to buffer his esteem level complimenting himself even tho it's totally contradicting.

damn it i've been in english 001a too long in argumentive stage. buuut... yeah. he doesn't get it. i don't hate him, and i guess i forgive him, but it doesn't mean i'm going to go falling back to him and go back to the past cuz things were done and no, i'm not going to just let it go. yeah, i know, what amorette says is totally true, how i gotta forgive and relationships grow. but hey. i've been put thru shit and noah knows it and still this happened. and then he goes on talking about mending things with kimmy. again. going back to not being by himself. noah, if you've read this far then wow. good for you. don't mean to purpoesly kill your day or ruin your mood, but i say what i think and feel and this is what i think and feel. i'm no longer seriously bitter and i'm not gonna go off at you like i have rich. rich is just special. i don't usually go off like that unless they seroiusly piss me off. heh. a gorilla escaped from the zoo. monkey. hee hee. whoo. anyway... i hate it when people just assume things about me. it just shows how much you don't know me.

9:22pm

i dunno what's wrong. i'm feeling shitty. i just took a nappy. two hours or so. *sigh* i dunno what it is. it mite be the weather. i love the rain but it is dreary... i dunno. i keep saying i dunno. it's annoying. i'm eating oreos. i'm prolly gonna puke all over the place from eating so many. maybe i can eat the whole thing to be able to say i did next time i fill out one of those surveys. i think i should go in to ask about dropping english tomorrow. and go to the health center too. gotta get all my crap done. life's a pain in the ass to deal with...

5:06pm

rainy days are happy peappy :)raining again today. beautiful. ah love it. damn i look good coming in from a good pour. my hair does this weird wave thing and it sometimes gets curlies too. it's neat. i brushed it cuz i forgot but... oh well. i got my cam workin' now. just the firewall doesn't let me broadcast still. my pants are all wet. i want to take off my shoes but that would require me taking off my pants too cuz then it'll be all wet on my socks too. i saw the funniest thing coming back from art. this chick was coming back from swimming and she was in her swimsuit and towel... and had a freakin' umbrella over her head. it was hilarious. good stuff. i went to the library today. i saw a blonde chris-look-alike. it was neato. i was amuzed greatly. then i went to english. she hates me. then art. we're doing pen and ink now. portraits. i suck at pen. and ink. atleast i don't have graphite all over me tho. so that's good. yep. i went to the student health center after. was gonna go in to see when drop-in hours are for counselors and then it was cloesd. poo. oh well. more time in the rain. ca vaccumed today. so our room's mongo wongo cleano. it's good. my neck is killing me. and my back hurts too. quite horribly. it sucks. ca's watching shaw shank again. it's one good movie. i enjoy it greatly. i like windex. it smells good.

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