October 6, 2003



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been a little while. i've been really tired lately. i had a day off for the first time last sunday. bad idea. my body was happy about lounging and doing nothing all day and the next day and ever since i've been really slow and not functioning too well. i've missed art four days in a row now. i haven't been able to get up in time. the class is at 11am. shit.

dizzy spells from 7th grade are back. my mom said i had them real bad in 10th too, but i totally don't remember. she said it was so bad i would call her and did abour 4-10 times and i had to go home. i only remember 7th grade. anyway. so i'll get dizzy spells and feel nauseous and disoriented and feel like i'm going to pass out. anyway. last time this happened i got a full blood job done to make sure it wasn't my meds and to see if i was anemic. i wasn't really. it was a TAD low. so low that it wasn't really a difference... like... if normal was 115-130 i was like 100. something small like that. well i got a blood/pee test done last friday so i'll see soon if anything's wrong. i'm probably just physically exhausted. i'm not so much dizzy anymore as just plain tired. my head hurts and allergies are bad and it's just.... bah.

i got an 82 on my art 1a test for egypt and ancient east! yeeeeee-haaaaw. too bad i've been missing all of the greek period... shit. i gotta get my act together. i NEED atleast a b this semester... i need to raise my gpa damnit.

italian... test today. we have to know all twenty regions and their capitals. i think i'm pretty good. i started studying last night and i was alright after like an hour of intesive study. i had a 5 page english paper and i barely got it to fit on 6. i had a government paper and i did that too. chinese civilizations had the oddest paper. "the dao in you." that's all he said. he said no research, just reflection. no idea what dao is, no idea what to write. only requirement was to turn it in on the specific day and to be no MORE than two pages. okay. so i just did painting and said how it connected me with time and everything just passed by when i get in to painting. whatever.

large lan on saturday at jeremy's... lee, dave, john carey, jon foster, eric, jeremy, jon, and me. yup. i went. i was feeling pretty shitty. i can't remember why. but i was in a pretty crappy mood and didn't really feel like going, but jon insisted i come and that i was welcome. i went and it was bah at first. i used nick's monitor for the beginning. he came a few hours later and was whining he couldn't play counterstrike with the guys cuz i had his monitor and dave had his mouse (he was on a lappy) so i unhooked my computer so now he had a mouse and monitor for his computer. he ended up just playing sim city the whole fucking time and got mad at US for asking him to join repeatedly. wasn't HE the one whining about not playing? whatever. yeah. nick was there too. so jon got pretty drunk. eh, everyone did. eric drank a whole shit ton. he had brought a $60 bottle of brandy and it was finished off. jon got sick and so did john carey. *sigh* stupid jon. he's so sad. falls in to peer pressure so easily. at around 2:30am i started playing a little counterstrike with the guys. i killed four people. yay. they took a shot in my honor :) dave's computer couldn't handle a newer version of quake III so i didn't get to try that. it was late and i had to work sunday so i went home. so retarded. i went to bed at like 3:30 or 4am and had to work at 11am. you know me. i couldn't get up. i got in at 11:07. not TOO late. i hope i don't get in trouble. jon said i'm a cool girlfriend. dave gave me a high five agreeing. they all did shirts off for a game or two and if lee had done it too (he was the only one who didn't) then i would have too, but he didn't so i didn't. we watched the italian job. mini coopers are so damned cute.

jon was all headachey and tired sunday. i had to drive him and he was all pased out until he ate and took a nap at like 9pm. we went to his house at like 7pm to eat omaha steaks. whatever. nothing special. steak's steak. i don't get why it's $70. ofcourse i can't tell boxed fish from jack in the box from fresh caught, so i'm not the one to ask. but yeah. i studied at his place while he slept and at 10 we left to winco to get some tortino's pizzas and then went home to shower and sleep.

OH! i brought nosy outside the other day! saturday! i caught him and leashed him and carried him out. he just sat there and grabbed on to my arm, looking here and there. it was super cute. i was like... ooooh. so thaaaat's how i get him to love me. bring him outside. i put him back in his cage and he became his normal psycho self and i think he hated me. he seemed pretty scared tho amuzed from outside. i looked down and saw i had nosy fur ALL over my black shirt.

i was 103 this morning. i have to keep eating. when i eat i lose and get flatter. i can't understand it tho and so i still starve myself sometimes. i'm so stupid. i don't know what's wrong with me. i hate my flubber tho... it's getting better... remember betty... eat.

friday at work i stapled my finger. i felt so stupid. i was trying to fix it and *ca-chunk* there was a staple in my finger. it bled a bunch and then stopped and just hurt for two days straight. that shit hurts.

eric seems cool now. i'm so happy about it... jon and him have been best friends forever and it was so horrible to see the amount of distress eric's nonexistence made on jon. they had a little "i missed you, man" moment a little while back. i think things are going back to normal. eric actually looks at me when he's talking now so i don't think he hates me AS much anymore, if he still hates me.

goodness dave is attractive. just something about him. stupid head.

it's gettin' late... 3pm... i have government soon. i'll have to end this entry soon.

ok, i just found my voting place online. i'm going to vote no on the recall, no on 54, and back up will be leonard pedia. legalizing marijuana for state revenue. it'll stink and stuff but if it works the economy will be better. think about it. not like he has a chance in hell of winning, but if arnold wins and everything goes to hell cuz he can't handle it or the media drives him crazy, i can say that i was no part of that and i made my vote to who i thought would be better. from government i've gotten some pretty clear ideas about the government and the situation... the recall is so retarded. the people are stupid. this should have never happened. davis should stay in power until the end of his term. oh well. we're americans. not just americans, californians. whatever.

final thought? i think all homeless people who make no attempt whatsoever to improve their situation should die. all of them. stupid fucks.

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