november 13, 2000; monday

*new section: "wants"* stuff i want


betcha thought i was dead eh? well i'm here. yup. i'm withdrawing from this semester. i think i'll fill out the forms tonight. my new med makes me... weird. i don't sleep or get tired at night... but then i end up staying up till like 6am (poor neil and ca) and then when i do sleep... i sleep till 4pm. well that was today anyway. i don't get tired and i feel i have energy but then when i do anything physical i get light headed and woozy and dizzy. everything goes in slow motion. so i think i'm going to have to tell dr. kravitz that tomorrow. mm hm.

i love chicken noodle soup. only 1/3 a can of water tho. no more. gotta be super salty. mmm.

house sitting at uncle billy's became annoying. thursday i slept all day. i didn't feel like getting up even tho i DID wake up at 8am... but i felt like shit so i just slept. and slept. and when i finally looked at the clock it was 7pm. so i got up, made me some soup and veggies, ate 10 pounds of food, and was sleeping again at 10pm. buddy gave me 500 bugbites, including a beautiful one on my face. didn't see or talk to neil at all for two days and then when i came back suddenly he misses me even tho he made no effort to talk to me. just said it on im. greeeat. so touching. so i've been totally stand-offish and he doesn't seem to even notice.

friday night was the csus resident hall semi-formal. there were pictures. amity came and brought kimmi and brad (oh, the drama...), justin came up, and so did scottish guy, kev, and their friend chris. well. neil decided to come to the dance. i felt soooo bad. i couldn't just push him away and ignore him saying "well you didn't wanna come in the beginning, so JUSTIN's my date. tuff for you." and i couldn't be with him totally cuz... justin was there... so i was just retarded and didn't go near either. justin had a horrible time. i felt like shit. kimmi. ha. well. she didn't know brad. ams brought him along so she'd have a friend or two to keep her company cuz she doesn't enjoy the company of all my friends that much. well. kimmi totally got on brad... not literally... but she grabbed him and they went off somewhere. heh. so there was all this drama with am and kimmi and then there was me and neil and justin. gaaah. kevin was great and silly and tsg came in his kilt and it was jolly fun. but i still feel bad for making justin's visit shitty fucky crap. :(

i went to chico the next day with am. it sucked. seriously. nothing to do there. i went to some stupid party and then we went to another party that erik told me about. i was so not wanted that i could taste it. it was horrible. so i told erik i was leaving and did and erik didn't care. so much for that. am told everyone the whole kimmi deal and then her friend val was all "oh yeah? how would you know?" to me when i was agreeing. oh. kimmi had just gone off with brandon to go... roaming. uh huh. well. i tell val "ha. how do i know? well... there was a guy. his name's noah. yeah." and then amity goes "oooooh yeah. nooooah. heh." and i tell my story. so val's like "wow. kimmi just... gets around doesn't she." uh huh. i thought it was just... well, noah and i weren't labeled. but there WAS something. but i figured kimmi just didn't know any better. but after the brad and jeff story? i dunno anymore. she got on my and amity's nerves.

i thought kimmi and noah were over ages ago. but amorette signed my guestbook a bit ago (dunno why she didn't just email me...) so i figured noah talked about me so i decided to see what he said about me and went back in time to his book. they JUST broke up like last week. uh... yeah. weird. oh well.

addicted to snood. stupid game. so addctive tho. everyone around amity's room were playing it. kimmi continuously gloats about her high score. ok, shutup. we get it.

i'm so getting fat and chunky. i weigh 105lb and i waddle. i want more soup.

ca and neil are both sick. ca lost her voice at san fran. when they went on saturday. kinda wish i'd just stayed here. don't think i would have enjoyed san fran... maybe just slept in the dorm by myself. i want to just sleep. for a long long time.

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