november 16, 2000; thurssday


blahnelly i feel like a pile of poo. noah insisted that he could talk me out of withdrawing or something or atleast try to but... uh... no. just bugged me. everything's so fucking irritating lately. ca's coughing in the morning, her damn alarm clock she doesn't turn off, how it's cold one minute then fucking scalding the next, how the damned comforter doesn't stay tucked in (or the sheets for that matter), how this bug bite's become some weird fucked up rash, how i can't get up even tho i'm not tired, and how i have to get a job SO badly right now. i'm seriously running out of money here. it's pathetic.

bumpagehere's my bug bite. see? that's why i think it's a rash. cuz it fucking looks like one. it'll randomly break out and turn neon and the bumps will grow, then if i just make sure i don't touch it it goes down by itself. meh. whatever. should go to the doctor. too bad i'm so fucking lazy i can't get up. i registered for snood today.

neil's like afraid to talk to me or something. he asked ca today if i'm mad at him... uh... ok... why would i be. and he says "well she's been bitching about her weight a lot lately and i've been sick so i haven't paid much attention"... ok... so why would i be mad. i don't get it. all i want is a cuddle buddy. but if i ever try to he just gets up and leaves. what the hell. oh well. whatever.

yeah. i'm just getting gross. i can barely fit these pants my sister gave me. and yesterday i had problems getting into my cords. near the end of the day they were loose, but... they're size 5. the scale is 5 pounds off (makes you 5 pounds lighter) and still i weigh in at 100 in the morning. i just pudge. it's annoying as fuck. and i'm itching everywhere. i don't know where it's coming from.

an offer was made on the house. today it was supposed to be finalized. mom called yesterday and told me to get a job and shit and "i'm not going to tell you to do anything anymore. but you're running out of time and next year you have to study hard and stick to school. and you better start finding a job tomorrow because you're running out of time. but it's up to you." uh... yeah. let's not tell me what to do. whatever. stupid. i think i'm allergic to the upholstery on the dorm chairs. i tried cleaning it today but i left spots on it instead with the cleaner. it smelled weird so i sprayed febreeze too. now i'm sitting on my floor pillow on my chair cuz i don't want to smell like soggy fabreeze and stuffed animal cleaner.

told steve to leave me alone today and i totally and utterly and COMPLETELY didn't want to go to the (stupid) meeting today. he was totally pissed. i think i was really his only rep. oh well. signed up for "wrestling club" today... starts in the spring.

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