november 3, 2000; friday


i'm thinking... maybe i've got food poisoning. i won't go into detail for that. but yeah. i feel so sick and dizzy and it mite not be the meds. i dunno. i'm seriously moody like when i'm sick... i've never had food poisoning tho. so i can't compare. glad and not at the same time. damn i feel shitty. heh. literally. yeah. so i've used the bathroom way too many times in one day. i'm so tired of getting up and going. but i keep eating. i'm turning in to a beached whale. moo. and i go to the bathroom and get rid of everything but i'm still a million pounds. more than i was a week ago anyway. i know. shut up, betty, you're a stick. but i'm used to being the skinny width of a popsicle stick, not the fat width. so bleah back to you.

i just applied to chico state. so i'll see if i get in and then when fall 2001 rolls around i'll have a choice to stay here and find a place or go to chico. cuz what's holding me here. jie? riiiight. i see her what. once a year? and she yells at me and goes insane and bitches and moans about the 15 minute drive to me when she "HAS" to come and get me. ok, sorry for crashing the car bitch. whatever. so i have no need to be here. none at all.

my nose is stuffed. i don't want to wash my dishes. i think i'll shower and sleep. altho i slept so much today i dunno if i can. cuz it's night time. i can't sleep at the night time. oh. neil locked himself out yesterday and came to my bed and i woke up with 1/2" of betty room on my bed cuz he decided to curl up and i was basically kicked off my bed. oh well.

yeah. dunno if i'm even gonna go back for the show. it's sold out anyway. not like i'll get a seat. and since i'm so annoyable ca's getting on my nerves and the fact that i'd have to sit in a train for 3 hours both ways, stand the whole damn show, put up with my mom and step-dad's AND dad's shit, come back on the 3 hour trip, and bus back here doesn't seem appealing to me.

i have so much hw to do. i missed classes today. should have just gone. didn't even do the fucking scavenger hunt so nothing productive came out of this fucked over day. fuck me. no, not really. if you really wanna do something then kill me. please.


yeah. so today. scavenger hunt. NO! nevermind! why? neil LEFT. flaked. dorkuss malorkuss. went flying home in his own little air plane >:[ whatever. and no "charlie's angels" either. he's all "i'm soooo sorry." right. ca and i walked to fucking denny's to get a fucking menu and packet of hot sauce from taco bell (6 mile+ round trip) and then he FLAKES. my new med i had horrid side effects to. i'm dillusional (the world'll suddenly flip), dizzy, nautious, constantly sick, and i get chills allll the time. it sucks. yup. so now i'm just irratable and pissy, chilling in my corner and not doing ANYTHING. >:[ john randomly came by today and left a cd here and saw my art and asked if i wanted to out today. i'd been sleeping. yeah. it was 12pm. so f'ing lazy. sickly. crap. kill me. kill me now.

bug bite's going down. oh yeah. got my hair trimmed yesterday. delia*s stuff came in the mail too. clothes, stationary, and hanging stars. complete waste of $150. oh yes. so i'm pissy today. what do i do? ofcourse. i pig and spend money. i'm so huge. i gained 6 or 7 pounds in the past week. it's disgusting. i make myself sick. if i could i'd make myself puke. no, not really. i'm just kidding. but i'd suck some of my chunk out. it's gross. looks like i'm having a boy or something. ok, the world's doing flips. laying down now.

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