february 8, 2001; thursday


i like how i slept from right after i finished that entry till now. yeah. missed magic. i bet there was a quiz too. and it was the most exciting day.. after the quiz. that always happens. i miss everything. important anyway. it's cold. i wish i was back in 3rd grade when everything was happy.


i feel like shit. yeah. shit. not poo, shit. if i dared to put a picture up first off i'd break my camera trying to, then my computer from the image if it worked, and then all of your computers when it loaded. i already cracked a few mirrors trying to fix myself up. about 49 years bad luck racked up for me. wee. whatever. what exactly is "bad" luck anyway. doesn't seem i get any "good" so i guess it's all "bad" but that can't be cuz then i can't REALLY get "bad" luck cuz bad is supposed to be worse than the norm. and... yeah... whatever. my head hurts.

neil decided to tell me the 6th that he didn't want to be involved anymore. no more cuddle buddy for betty. i went out and paged justin and he comforted me a bit. let me vent it out. i feel like such a shitball. i can't keep any relationship. emotional, physical, or both. i guess it's not meant to be. i'm supposed to die alone, deserving better. i'm so sick of that reason. and i always get that reason. if i deserve better then why can't i just keep what i have. it's such a lie and a bunch of bull.

i got my new meds yesterday. since they were lost the first time *ahJIEem* i had to get 'm again. weren't covered my insurance. in all it was $25 to send it over and get them. sheeeeat. i took a half at 10pm and nothing happened. 12am came around and i guess i finally passed out. got up at 11:40am and i'm still seroiusly tired. i'm glad it takes forever to work then stays forever. oh well. i don't want to go to class. it's in half an hour.

a few days ago jeremy came and smacked ca with a pillow. it was so funny. then we all went insane and brought out our pillows and attacked each other in the hall. we made big noise. everyone peeked out of their rooms to see what the hell was going on. it was so much fun.

i'm cramping. it's never been so bad. it hurts to breathe. and i have the hiccups. toootally doesn't help at all. i think i'm gonna die. even tho i'm not allowed to. damn the skies and the underworld. grrrrr. whatever. damn hiccups. oye. damn it. damn it all!!!!! *frump*

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