april 16, 2001; monday


oooooo. yeah. i got my belly pierced tuesday and on thursday i got two cavities filled. they totally kill whenever i bite down. so i dunno what's going on with that. i'm feeling totally poopy. i need a hug. badly. i fell for nick. bound to happen. it always happens when it's totally over with a guy that i fall for them. i can't stop thinking about him and i miss him and... i just want him to hug me. and now tsg is asking me about kevin and if i like him and whatnot cuz kev likes me. i dunno what to say about that... i can't think straight. and i keep going back to the stress of this paper i have in witchcraft. it's an archive of "magical" claims. it really sucks. i was supposed to have started it in february. but no, i'm a procrastiator and i never started on it. daaaaaamn it. anyway...

i've been thinking all the time. wanting to know things about... other... people. i get jealous thinking of nathan and another girl. i get pissed at kimmi. i wonder what nikki is like. i picture elizabeth and think about how they must have met. and i'm thinking about nick and his ex. and then i think about when i asked jeremy about elizabeth. "why do you want to know" ... "i'm just curious" and his response? "well don't be." and... that's what it should be. i shouldn't be curious. i shouldn't wonder what's going on. it's not me. and it won't be. and i'm not part of them anymore. i shouldn't try and see myself there. it just makes it worse for me. and all i feel is more pain. and it hurts. i can feel my insides burning everytime i think about it. i hurt. i keep looking for someone to comfort me and when i find them they leave me. i'm tired of looking.

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