april 25, 2001; monday


what the fuck. i'm so sick of this fucking shit. i'm tired of putting up with niel's shit. i put up with enuf before when we were doing stuff and now i'm just fucking tired of it. he's a fucking asshole. anytime i say anything or joke around he calls me a bitch and a ho and gives me the look of death and throws something at me or pushes me. it's fucking retarded and immature. i'm so sick of it. carol doesn't help either. you'd think she'd be an actual friend. but i guess not. once again, yeah. i'm sick of them both. i asked if i can change rooms but i'm not allowed to since it's too late in the semester. if i'm put next to carol or i'm in a class with neil next semester i swear i'll fucking kill somebody.

you would think that by now people would know how to flush a toilet or throw away trash. the bathrooms in the class halls are dirty as hell and there's paper everywhere. shit, it was cleaner in elementary school. what the fuck is wrong with these people. college is supposed to be for "adults" not complete retards who can't even throw away paper in a trashcan or flush a toilet. dumbasses.

i accidentally bought a new handspring today playing around on the site so i was all... oh shit... and so i went on ebay and sold the one i have now. and then it turns out that they didn't really sell the thing to me. and then i sold mine. so now i don't have one and i gotta go and mail mine out tomorrow.

i didn't get an interview for an ra position.

i so don't want to go home this weekend. i'm so sick of going to dinners and shit like that. sooo fucking retarded. oh. wee. yay. let's go to a "special" dinner! yeah! cuz THIS dinner isn't like any other... it's SPECIAL! why? cuz we're celebrating something... by going out the EAT! so it's a fucking SPECIAL dinner! i hate it. and my mom wants me to go "home" for a fucking dinner as well. i don't want to and she begs me to go "home"... uh... don't have a car, brilliant. but i'm not allowed to live there; don't even have a bed to sleep in, but she wants me to be there aaaall the time and stay there aaaall the time. what the fuck. make up your fucking mind bitch.

i cut my tongue. it hurts. my neck's sore as hell.

i hope a fucking beam falls on neil's fucking fat ass head. fucking ass.

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