april 9, 2001; monday

8:59 pm

so nick's a normal guy. and now that's done with... moving on...

i forgot. thursday night i had a little hissy fit and got pissed at ca for telling neil things that i said and also about all the things she's said to others in the past and i bitched her out and she was like "uh.. ok.." and that was that. yup. gonna try to stop talking to neil altogether now. i don't think he's worth my effort or anger. damn i'm pmsing.

not going camping anymore. that bites. i was so excited about it too. oh well... guess i'll just fave to find someone else to go with. :\ damn it. i liked nick.

i decided to get over the grudge and try to forgive noah. so it's in progress. gave him a call. yeah.

went to tsg's party saturday. it was good fun. there was a cutey named alex i flirted with and he flirted back, and then there was kevin. kev's been around since sophomore year i think. it's when i met tsg too... they striked after a play. he was a cute ska dude and we skanked together. well i was feeling crappy and so i drank (a "sex on the beach" and i tried beer... i got really red but no buzz or drunkedness or hangover... beer's really not nearly as bad as i thought it'd be. just gotta hold my nose.) and that was my excuse to be stupid and lolly. it was fun. people thought i was cute and amuzing. kevin and tsg and joe kept checking up on me to see if i was sick cuz i'd said i'd never really drank before and then at one point kevin asked if i wanted to go hang outside for a bit. i said it was freezing so he put me on his back and we sat outside and he kept me warm (huddle. shut up.) and stuff. he smelled good. joe and tsg teased that if i thought kevin was a hottie that the sky would turn red and it would be the 5th sign of the apocalypse but i just said kevin's cute... cuz he is. so now tsg and i are joking about whether or not the sky's gonna be red. i dunno. i'm going to santa cruz again wednesday. we'll see what happens. well i had lotsa fun saturday night and sunday afternoon tsg brought be back home and i got my stuff from nick's. he was ignoring my calls and pressing clear so i'd go to the answering machine so i just left a note and a message saying not to call me and bye. stupid guys.

i realized i left my new mudvayne cd with nick and i want it back so i called him and he didn't answer but he called back and left a message and said i could get it anytime but then i called again and he didn't answer again so... yeah. he said in his message that "maybe we can talk so i can atleast explain myself..." but... no. that's ok. explaining's just for the other person to feel better about themself. i don't think he needs that or i should give it to him. he asked me to give him a chance and to not judge him but then he was just what i was thinking he'd be and that killed it all. so yeah. no trust in guys for me. still. and it's just getting stronger. i think i'm gonna get drunk and just go get with some girl and see what happens. i think i'm destined to be a lesbian.

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