june 25, 2001; monday


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10:55am

so mopey. i hate how i let guys... boys... control me. so i've fallen for chris and recently he's been (ew... swallowed a snotball...) not talking to me. didn't respond to emails or phone calls last week while i was in mountain view and he said he'd call yesterday and didn't. when i saw him yesterday (went to his work so i could see him cuz he said he wanted to in an email and that he's just been busy...) he barely hugged me and then backed away. i think he's fallen in to the trend of my boy-record. but i don't think he's gonna want me back. i wasn't supposed to like, or fall for for that matter, anyone. i'm supposed to be in a no-one's-needed block. but here i am, moping around, and the sky's turned grey and the weather's more depressing than ever...

went and saw "shrek" yesterday with jon and jie. it was great. greatly enjoyed it. you gotta be a movie person to like it tho. they ripped off a bunch of movies subtly and that's what made it so funny. jon's a cutey :) we went to the tent car show (used car sale) at cal expo and saw some cars. this guy, dylan, insisted on learning stick so i could get this car and so he had me hop in and try it out in the parking lot. i stalled about 5 million times trying to start the damn car. but then when i was GOING it was ok. smoothly changed from 3 to 4. go me! but then i stalled again trying to start it up again when we parked. so no more of that. well. afterwards dylan gives me his cell number and says "if you ever want, i can teach you stick. keep it up! it's so much fun." and then asked for my number... and so i gave it to him and he insisted he'd keep in touch. yes. blatant flirting. but it was ok. he wasn't all that bad. nick joined us for dinner at cpk (philly cheese steak pizza... mmmmmmm...) and then jie drove me back to the apt and then jon and nick came over and we kicked it for a bit. got tired and they all went home. i went to shower and then went to bed and then chris didn't call. so i kept sleeping.

didn't get my photo shoot cuz i ended up staying in mountain view and i didn't get my pics. that sucks badly. could'a gotten money :(

my allergies are killing me. throat hurts so bad. i want the new 'nsync album. i want to sleep more. but i know i'm just depressed. i hate being depressed. i want it to rain. i hate it when it's mopey out and it's not raining. it's the worst. i'll go to the s.s. office and get me a card. yeah. that's what i'll do. maybe it'll wake me up by walking. oh. relay for life was on saturday. ran two miles and walked two laps. my ass is still hurting. i didn't have running shoes so i ran in my skaters. etnies are good but not for runnin' :p oh well. got SOME excercise. and believe me. it's desperately needed in me. maybe i'll run to the office. yeah! i'll do that. ok. going now.

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