august 27, 2001; monday

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model thing was stupid and i'm $2000 in debt. oh well.

in the dorms now... school starts today. i leaned over today to spit in the sink and i totally hit my eye on the faucet. it hurt so bad. it's still killing. i'm waiting for it to turn black and blue. paaaain. my roomie is kristine. she's totally awesome. i was scared it'd be some... odd... person. but turns out she's not even a freshman. she's a junior and we're totally alike in thoughts and personality. good stuff :)

things with jon are still going great. our time has gone from every moment of every day to about... two hours a day. it's kinda lonely sometimes when i just sit there and i'm by myself, but i think it's healthier this way. i'm getting so attached to him. we'll be cuddling and then i'll just think about how i wish this had happened earlier. ofcourse then i wouldn't have had the learning experiences with all the asses and dorks i've been with over the past year and i wouldn't appreciate jon nearly as much as i do now... but i'd have had a longer time getting to know him more and be closer and trust him. i'm still having trust issues with him. sucks that past guys have destroyed that part of me...
i love being able to talk to jon and have him listen and talk back. he's always so warm and caring towards me and he always hugs me at the right times. he's the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time. my world is being flipped around. all the things that i knew and believed and were my life... they've changed. for the better ofcourse, but it's just so odd to have things to look foward to and enjoy in my life and someone to care for me and who loves me.

i've been having pretty stupid/shitty days lately. i just do and say stupid things and stupid things happen to me. i keep getting mini stressors in my life and they've all been building. i'm not sure what they all are so i can't just try and get rid of them cuz... i don't know what they are. it's been making me tense and sore everywhere (neck and back are KILLING me) and i'm starting to get depressed again. my dreams are all really distressing and bad stuff happens in them. i think i need a week of... nothing.

i tried to get in to a class today and both ones in the time slot i wanted were totally full. so that sucks. i only have 13 units. that means i can't drop my econ class if it's really sucky. that really bites. someone told me that my teacher sucks too. he's hard to understand and he's bad at explaining things. that bites. i'm screwed. *sigh* well my shoulders are hurting. time to go. nap. sleep. good...

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