August 2, 2003



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quote of the while: "if he were a TRUE junglist, he would have kept his phone in his CARgos." ~ben commenting on a guy who lost his cell phone

rant: okay. what the hell is wrong with people. i've done this three times now. so i'm driving along and i have to stop, and so i pull over to as far to the curb as i can and turn on my emergency lights. a few people will understand "emergency lights. i will go around." but a good three or four people are retarded and they'll sit there and honk at me to move. hello? fuck head, my lights are on, i'm obviously there and will be for more than a short temporary while. did you not go to school and learn that lights mean someone is stopped? stupid ass, go around. so fucking annoying. i went clubbin last night at san francisco with the crew (1015 folsom street) and it was like last time... stressful as hell. i had to take my own car since i was planning on going to mountain view today because if i'm at the midpoint, why would i drive all the way back to sacramento to drive the two hours again to mountain view on sunday? yeah. exactly. so i was giving my sister and jason a ride. meanwhile, i've been looking for a place for jon and me to call "home" and make it "ours" (a place without carol...) and i've been the only one looking. jon complains a bunch about not really living at the place now and how he stays there but none of his stuff is there and "i think of it as betty and carol's, not mine" and blah blah blah but he's too busy to look for places. jie is always bitching about how i "need" to move and find a new place. i really don't see why she hates it so much. it's roomy and big and the druggies are gone. it smells funny and it isn't in the BEST of neighborhoods, but it's affordable, huge, and convenient. whatever. so i found two prospective places. one at d streest which was seriously scary... low income mexicans and black people swarmed like flies. they scare me. the place was like this one guy's a while ago... crap... what was his name... i had his military id... damn it. let me check... *checking* ah. james. yes. (picture from november 27th of '01) it looks like james' old place. a two bedroom townhouse... but shady neighborhood. nix that. hurried my ass over to the next place. a block from where i live now. it's not bad and it's just as convient cuz it's just a block away but now i found out from jon that there are power lines that are extremely loud that go over. like six of them. shit. that sucks. i don't know if i'd want that. anyway. there's central heat and air and electric stove and a dishwasher. seems pretty nice. $775 for a two bed/ 1 and 1/4 bath. now it was 6:25 and i was supposed to pick people up at 6:30 to leave by 6:45 to make it to the hotel by 9ish to make it to the club before 10:30 so we could make it in free. well i still had to pack for mountain view. shit. it sucked. i had jon calling me wanting to see me but i had to go and his work is fucking stupid and no one was there to cover him because management is fucked and irresponsible as all hell. my sister called twice and jason called too. shit, i'm doing the best i can. i finally get out the door at 6:50 and speed my ass to get jason and jie. i met jon at jie's and we hugged a bit cuz his day was just shit. (he has a job interview for at&t on monday... i REALLY hope he gets this job... i HATE radio shack) we left at like 7 something and since i was stressed as fuck and they kept going off on how we'd be late i sped. i got there before everyone else. piece of shit.

i parked in the wrong parking lot (later to find that altho it was $18 overnight, ramada's parking place was $20... so i lucked out by not parking in the right parking lot) and then we went and got burger king cuz i was starved. we went back to the car and got our shit and went to the hotel where we ate and got ready.

the gang for the night was jason, jie, me, ben, bay, tammy, kristina, mike, and mike's friend shannon. she was cool.

we got to the club at 10:20. the girls got in for free but the guys had to pay. started dancing then and went straight until 1am. i was kinda going and then we went to the drum and bass room where diesel boy was playing. i so got in to it. i didn't really like drum and bass all that much before but this time i totally felt it. i started getting in to it and dancing and soon there was a circle. i felt like it was a highschool dance with a lot of people. bay would go in and so would ben and i would join in too. later on we'd exit and i'd be dancing at the sides and people would keep tapping me and pushing me in saying "hey, go in! you're good!" it was totally a boost. it made me feel happy. a few weeks ago i saw this asian girl at 815 L and she looked like a total retard dancing. i watched her and realized that that's how i move and figured i looked like that. i asked jon if that's what i look like when i dance and he said "kinda" and yup. decided i wasn't going to dance anymore. last week we went to 815 L and i wore a long skirt. i told jie i coudln't dance because i didn't want to, and cuz the skirt prevented me from moving. she told me i could do little movements like janelle. i did, and she said i looked good. others said i was too. that was nice. so no more big movements, just small ones that i keep to myself.

i started getting really tired at 12:40am. my head started hurting because the bass was so loud and it was so hot. i was sweating up a storm and so i tried to get away. the hip hop room was repulsive. upstairs there was house and it was also a little too much. it reeked of cigarette smoke and bad cologne there where i was sitting and so i moved. i was getting queasy i was so exhausted. i went down stairs and went to the trance room. it was good and familiar music and realized that dancing is totally different for all music. i could do it, but i'd feel stupid again knowing how dumb the other girls look. trance is all flaily and uncontrolled. hip hop is grinding and nasties. house is movement and precise motions. drum and bass is groooovin. the bass was getting too much for me there too.

i finally just went back upstairs to house and sat in the back where there were sofas and stuff away from the smoke smell. i was so ready to pass out. jie found me and said we were going. yay! we left the place (it's open till 6am...) and headed to the hotel. god my legs were hurting. got back to the hotel and showered. oh nelly it felt sooo good. jie and i showered together and we got lots of speculation. "so... do you guys... soap each other?" uh.. no. we just share the water. we're SISTERs. we grew up together, sickos. i almost slipped and fell and died twice. but it was okay. finally fell asleep at 4am, others slept at 6.

in the morning for some reason everyone was up at 9am. why? i don't know. check out was 12. i fell back asleep and at 10 ben was puking in a bag. he finished and tammy went to puke. they got fucked up. 10:30 came and everyone was nagging me to get my tired ass up. i got up and we checked out. it was 11. why the hell did we rush. we had an hour. damn. oh well.

we were starvin and so bay recommended a place in berkeley. we got in the four cars and bay drove offensively on the freeway. i was so fucking pissed. i coudln't keep up and people kept cutting me off. i lost my sister twice but she waited for me and i finally caught up. in the residential area bay suddenly decided to slow down and pull over and wait for us when it was easy to follow. whatever. we ate and it was good. half way i almost threw up everywhere. my stomach hurt so much i was so exhausted. we walked around a bit and then we were all too tired and left. i didn't know my way to the freeway and so i followed ben. i pulled up behind him and then i found i was blocking an entry way. i moved up next to ben and put on my emergencies. a car or two passed me, then this fat, hideous, greasy black chick stopped behind me and honked. she was way behind me so i don't understand why she didn't just change the fucking lane. she had plenty of room. so she pulls up next to me and stops and says "yuh know, that is vehreh incunsiderate of you" and gave me an ugly look. ok stupid ass, i had my lights on. what else was i supposed to do. i couldn't wait anywhere else. and the other lane was totally open with few cars on it so i don't understand why people were having such problems turning on their blinker and moving lanes. ugly ass drove off and gave ben's car ugly looks. my sister cussed her out to me on the cell and then we left.

i got on the freeway and after 20 minutes i realized i wasn't seeing straight and i was way to tired to make it. i off ramped somewhere at oakland and slept in a carrows parking lot. i woke up, peed a SUPER pee and then made my way to mountain view. here i am now. yay.

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