september 20, 2000; wednesday

note: *john is jon. no "h"*


my rant: got up late today. as usual. i was late for math. as usual. and ofcourse, i was really late, and so i was late for a pop quiz. didn't finish it. as usual again. i'm sore now. i ran 3 miles yesterday at 5 in the morning. why? i was woken at 3am by amity calling me to tell me that the reason why noah hasn't really been talking to me is because he's been going out with kimmy. yup. the girl who lives in chico on amity's floor that we met when we went to chico. turns out he called her the day after we came back from chico. so fuck calling betty. we'll call kimmy. and hey. why not fuck and go out as well. oh. but don't tell betty. cuz even tho we're open to each other and we weren't going out, he felt bad about it. too bad to tell me. what the fuck! if he felt bad he would have thought more about it. he said he was sorry. sorry my fucking ass. if he was sorry he wouldn't have gone so far. think boy. run down of the days i can remember of this week:

thursday (9/14)- chris and i got married. i sent him a ring. twisty tie. tee hee :)

fri- jim came up and drove ca and me to see toga's student production. "women and wallace." it kicked ass so badly that i feel bad for the ass. i wanted to be nina in that play. but blake casted it to chelsea. as if i even had a chance... i think not. being super action woman and his girlfriend? no. afterward we (ca, me, cast and crue) went to carrows, as usual. i felt sick and had to curl into a ball on one of the chairs and not move.

sat- mom woke me up at freaking 10 in the morning. fuck! it's saturday and my day home and i went to bed at 3am with a huge headache. i don't want to be up so damned early. what the hell. she wants me to set up the internet. i go get my hair trimmed after showering and then amity picks me up in her dad's bug (stick) and we have a nice smooth (ha) drive to the oil change place where it turns out they don't have the cartrige for the vw beetle so we have to go to pep boys where they're retarded and take and hour and a half. so we go to mcdonald's and amity gets everything in the world at pep boy's. impulse buy? yes. i think so. i set up my mom's computer and it takes 3 hours. i finally sleep at 1am.

sun- up at 11am. called up ca and i picked her up. we went to miyake's where her fam was eating and then went to wall*mart with menk to find *bleep* and didn't find it (damn they're impossible to find) and then we ended up... i ended up buying the whole damned store. got back to ca's at 3ish where we finally ate our lunches and then neil came to get us. drove back to sac. i slept in the car. yup. the usual. unpacked and took forever to get everything in. kinda did it. room's a mess on my side tho. and ca's. sorry ca! eh heh... i'll figure out a way to stuff everything under my bed. or i'll eat it.

mon- classes. at nite nathan directed me to this site where i got to replace the "pacbell" on my cell with cows in a pasture. it was the most exciting thing since the new ring tones. i was so giddy. jeremy's friend john arrived with 50 (ok, 4) computers. they set up the room for a LAN party. later on eric came. i continuously went in with food so i was eating (had to set up for the pill... if you don't eat you get SO sick... oh god it's horrible) and they enjoyed it. i tried to figure out my webcam and i think i found an application that's mac compatible but it wanted macos 8.6. i have 8.5. just suck my ass please. thank you. so i download it. now my camera doesn't work. jeremy and them were downloading porn and so the internet was slow. chris was upset cuz i didn't talk to him and he divorced me. i was sad. then i found out from nathan that he lost the necklace i got him 3 years ago. it was the one thing that showed me he gave a scotch (said "sk-oe-ch") of a damn about me since he wore it everyday. so i was depressed. i decided i'd go to bed. i'd wake up to throw. i love throwing. so i slept. amity woke me at 3:30. with the wonderful news. it didn't bother me though. i dunno... it just didn't. i guess i talked really loud cuz jeremy and john came knocking and told us we were loud. they tried to freak out me and ca (i woke up ca... sorry again ca :( ) thinking they were the r.a., but like i give a flick about the damn r.a. ("if you were so smart, you'd know it's quiet time..." shut up bitch.) so after i talked to am. i went to jeremy's. they were all up except neil. but neil was woken up. they finished playing a game and decided to watch "7" in our room. so i went too, thinking i'd sleep. nope. didn't work. so i went back to jeremy's where jeremy was playing "everquest" (as usual) and neil was sleeping. trying to. i got in the bed and tried to sleep. nope. didn't work. so i went back in our room at around 4:30am and put on my running clothes where eric and john were like "what the hell are you doing?!" cuz it was freakin' 4:30 in the morning and i said "i'm going running" cuz it was either that or me punching a wall. nope. didn't wanna pay for the damages (my fist being broken.) it really hit hard. i was pissed shit. was? no. am. so i went running. half way thru john came running up behind me. wanted to make sure i didn't kill myself. he ended up dying. poor guy. so i ran 3 miles. to the light and back. ah. nice. haven't ran since february. whoo i'm in horrid shape. took me 20 minutes. yup. anger is a gift. so i shower and go back to jeremy's and get back in bed. slept finally at 6:50ish or so. neil was warm.

tues- ca woke me. i so didn't wanna get up. even to throw. i was in such a shitty mood. poor neil. didn't get any sleep. dude. could he twitch more in his sleep? one time he punched my nose with his elbow. ow. so i go to our room where john and eric are on the floor. john was THE cutest thing sleeping. it was so adorable. i wish i got a picture. whoo. cuteness. well... noah was really cute that one time. but john was seriously adorable. so i changed and went to class. i was so frazzled. the sadness part hit me then. i was trimming two things and then after that i got the third and the teacher was demoing a bowl and i couldn't watch. i went outside and tried calling am. couldn't reach her. called jie. didn't work. finally got a hold of jie. i cried my eyes out. dork. called nathan too. i miss him so much. and it's not just now. it's been a few months now. i don't know. went back to class and finished trimming. then i got my bisque ware's and color-slipped my cylinder and left. cried some more in my room. haven't cried in a while. went to oral interp and read my thing from princess bride. jie picked me up after. i slept. a lot. then tried to do hw. couldn't. noah was supposed to call me today to tell me about this whole thing. that was discussed with amity. he wanted to be the one to let me know. too bad amity is the reliable one and called me right when she found out. noah? never called. i ended up calling him. didn't have anything to say. he was playing on the net. real nice. so much for a conversation. so i hung up. got dressed. went to the rage. i danced. $12 for sleep? worth it i think. i died at about 1am. (we got there at 10am... jie and chris and me... chris is so skinny. she looked good yesterday. pretty. i don't usually think she is.) i came home. nathan was on. went on more about how upset he was about the necklace. kinda made me feel good that he cared so much. i told him i missed him. he said he missed me too... a lot. i almost cried again. we talked a bit and i had to go and shower. then i went to sleep.

today- sooo sore. could barely walk. had to go upstairs cuz bathroom was being cleaned. suck my ass. thank you. i'm so vulnerable now. i finally talked to ams today. i skipped english. it was half an hour ago until 20 minutes from now. couldn't do any work yesterday so... yeah. not prepared. why bother. art's in 20 so i'm gonna go now.

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