september 27, 2000; wednesday


rant: could rich be more of a dick? fuck'n a'. if it was me in pain, ok. go ahead and bitch the shit out of me. i could care less about it. he's fucking immature anyway. but then he goes off about justin? ok, not that's too far. fuckin' ass. shit!

got to math 10 minutes late today but i finished the test of the chapter 10 minutes early. go me. english i had to write a 4-5 page paper in class about some essay i didn't read but read in class. i pulled some stuff out of my ass. i hope it went well. but the teacher hates me so... i dunno. art went well. i drew. it was fun. i like eyes. drawing eyes is fun. i think i'll go to ceramics finally tomorrow. what's it been two weeks? damn.

i got two hours of sleep last night. went to the rage yesterday with jie and susan. i hate crushes. they suck. so some guy attacks me there and tries freaking me and then wants to hump me or something and goes to a wall for support (AAAHHHH!!!!) and then trips with me falling and i run in to the wall corner of the dj box and... ow. my head hurts. i have a bump. hurts to chew and yawn. damn fart. so i was complaining to neil about it and he asked if it was a tall guy. i said no, he was little. and so neil said "so he was like a troll or something?" so we call him the troll now. scary stuff man. yesterday's dj sucked too. gabe something. next tuesday'll be awesome... 7 year anniversity with all these dj's from all over. i won't be going tho. jie can't. oh. jie saved me from scary troll. she grabbed me to meet the guy i was too chicken to talk to who was the only cute guy there. kevin. gay. great. lucky me. came back wasn't tired.

i got mail today. first mail! yay! from ca :) tee hee. she's silly. she talked to chris today. talk talked. neato :) there are some huge ass birds that fly by the window. it's as ca says... "holy shit! an airplane just flew from one tree to the other!!!" it's annoying actually. jeremy called jessica "megan" by accident yesterday. but jessica didn't hear. jon bashed his face in to the ground doing a handstand off a chair. poor guy. still a cutey tho. nathan helped me look for a (blank) for (blahp) but didn't find one. damn. *sigh* oh well. i'll find one. i will. really i will. i don't enjoy having a crush. it preoccupies the mind way too much. WAAAAY too much. it's like... so, what's up? crush. how are you doing? crush. wow... i sure don't want to do homework. crush. damn it! it's annoying. oh well. i'll find a way. i think i'm getting back on track. damn it. so i miss the pill one day, double up the next. so then it's yesteday. i missed it and figure i'll double up today. guess my body didn't register i doubled up the day before and so i got the rag today. been a week since last time. damn it. >:[ grr. angriness. oh well. lisa loeb is on the radio. i like it. noah called and paged today. said it's up to me what happens... i felt really bad. i didn't know what to say. honestly. i'm just... bumbled. confused. i don't know what i think or feel now. rebound or whatever. s'just i cared so much and then my feelings were fucked over and i just need time to think it over. sorry, noah. i'm trying.

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