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Wednesday, May 25, 2005

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Lifely babble

Person from my hobowars game is feeling down and depressed... they wrote that they don't think they'll be alive any longer and it's that his/her family is just shitty and... yeah, not sounding good. Someone with the nick Jacks Cold Sweat responded with:

"Elephant... first off id like to say that in the 'fucked up family' dept i have some experience... so i have a small idea of what you are going through.

First off you are not alone. By telling us here you will find that plenty of other people have or have had similar if not exactly the same problems.

My biological dad was an ass... he beat me my brother and my mom... although my mom he beat the worst. He would curse and yell. The good part of the story is that we got away from him (when i was young).

What you need to realise is that people are human (even your parents) they react badly sometimes and can say stuff that they dont mean because they are angry (and it may not even be at you).

I would imagine that your dad is saying these things out of anger. Try and not to take this to heart.

With the rest of your family, often people who are supposed to care about you can be cruel. My brother joked i was adopted... so if your family members talk about your childhood (like bad stuff) tell them that you dont want to think about the past.

Two more things. Maybe you could speak to a counsellor to talk about this so you can get some perspective. I know you may want to see a counsellor because it means something is 'wrong' but its not your fault so dont look at it that way.

Lastly.. if you ever just want to vent... you can do that with us... or look up our msn or blah something..."

And I responded:

"I dig cold sweat's answer... how old are you by the way? Honestly... I started hating my life in 5th grade and was miserable and thought of suicide... Everything was the shits and it just got worse. And worse. The worst was when I'd finally let someone know they'd just say "it'll get better" and then tell me their problems, as if it'd make me feel better. Whatever. Mine were worse... it was me. Not them.

Things go up and down. I've tried the death thing and that didn't work out; now I'm in debt and still feel like shit a lot. How's that wonderful saying go... "life's a bitch, then you die" but hey, that's life. There ARE ups, though, that go with the downs. But it's true... who really holds on to the ups? Well I guess the people in abusive relationships, but other than that, all I remember from my childhood are fights from my parents and everyone at school picking on me. But think back now... I KNOW there were good times. My mom said I was a happy kid. Really? Didn't know... don't remember.... but there must have been things to make me happy, right? We went places, I had fun, I played with friends... it's just for some reason the bad overpower the good when it comes to memories that last.

Try and hold onto the good. If you're living at home, just know that one day you'll be out. I'm not saying it'll get BETTER, but it will get different, and the way I cope with life is taking it a day at a time. Everyday is different.

((huggles)) to you bubbo... try and hang in there... and again, we're here for you to vent. Please do."

Life can be a pisser... I hope they'll be alright.

School's finally out for the semester. I'll have to go to city or something now that I'm out of money and help from my duddy. All I cared was this semester is over... it was going so horribly. All my mom could do after was talk about when it's starting again. Please, just shut the hell up. No no, she keeps bringing it up. Eric (who FINALLY got that pony of his cut off... looks hot too) and Jon came up (we stole Melissa on the way as well) to help UPS move these stoves from his truck (don't ask, I have nooo idea) to the train room (yeah, again, don't ask. fucker.) and the goat house (yeah yeah...) and as we were leaving he goes "Betty, we need to talk to you about school stuff." Fun. More talk. Whoopeefuckindoo.

Other than that that day was good, though... on Saturday Dave (yes, the one we all want to fuck... ok, maybe it's just me) came up from Oakland to visit and we (Nick, Michelle, Jon, Dave and I) hung at Lee's for a bit. Nick and Michelle (I know, about time we saw those two... and yes, they ARE getting married... we have officially been told... well I asked, oh well we know) left around 10pm and the rest of us hung till Eric was off work at 11:45pm and he showed up around midnight. We chilled till like 2am and finally went home... we were all feeling like death and oldness... "wtf... it's 2am and I'm ready to die..." and then we're like "ah yes. Version 2.3... damn it. I'd like to be 1.8 again... *sigh*"

Sunday Eric had an appt. to cut his hair at a place called "The Difference" in Elk Grove with an old work buddy Amy. Jon and I got Lee and when we got to the place Eric's pony was already on the floor pretending to be a  black fuzzy boneless blob of a dog. In the end it got styled, colored, and red and now Eric's got a new lighter mane of red clumpy waves. As Jon said... all he's gotta do now is start standing up straight and all the girls'll be all up ons. Ha :D

Shit. I gotta work tomorrow at 9:30am. We'll see if that'll happen. If not I'm sure I'll get fired. My sister's one hound of a boss :p  Damn responsible people... *sigh* Well yeah, I'll get workin' on the sleep thing earlier.

Decided to start a new goal deal... every week I'll put a goal (or two) on the white board for Jon and me to follow and we'll work on that one goal for the week. This week for Jon is to get his resume done and for me is to get to bed by 2am and get to work on time... and I have a mini goal to get a job app for Steve's (Pizza) filled out since I need a second job. Damn money...

Signed lease papers today; moving in the 1st to the new place. Looks good. Mom liked it better this time. So did I. I think it'll be good. It better be.

6:37 PM

Comments:

Damn that was long ... but its all to the good man!! it will all work out, but i didnt know that your sister was your boss ... interesting! anyways i really like my hair i can do alot with it and change how it looks everyday with little effort ... its AWESOME!! but ya i will see you soon ... i work like till mon though, so not till then ... l8er man

Posted by Umm tasty!! on Thursday, May 26, 2005 at 12:58 AM


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