The bipolar ramblings of a bitter girl If you don't like what you read, leave.


Gender: Female
City: Sacramento
Country: US

Wednesday, June 21, 2006


Unemployed. Again. Great.

Kelly Services just called me and since I told them I have Carpul Tunnel and it hurts that they had to release me from this position. So now I have no job. Again. Fucking great. Oh hey, where am I? Oh yeah, back in February. Oh yes. That's where I am. Fucking fucktastic. Heh... that's kinda funny. Fucktastic. Fuck.

8:46 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos


dooooood. so not february. if it was february, my cats wouldn't be dying from heat exhaustion.

Posted by Reowr on Wednesday, June 21, 2006 at 9:42 AM

just jon

Check this job out. (link)

Posted by just jon on Wednesday, June 21, 2006 at 10:33 AM


So lonely...

I'm down. I'm so tired of all the bullshit talk that goes on and no actions that are made to back it up. He read my blog that said he's gone and called me up saying it hurt him to read that and that he's not going anywhere and hasn't... yet whenever I want him around or to talk to he doesn't answer or can't do anything since he has to go to bed early... even though that night he won't go to bed until the same time as always... between 4-8am. It's the same as it was when suddenly we were "more" than friends... he talked and talked saying he cared and was there for me but no, when it came down to it, he wasn't. Why say this shit if you don't mean it? Why say you're sincere in what you say and you're honest if you're just pulling air out of your ass and throwing it in my face? It's fucking tiring to hear the same things over and over and to cry over this stupid shit that I know now isn't going to change. It's good that this is happening this way, though... I need to ween myself away from it all but I'm so attached I can't and so I'll ask him to come over but he either doesn't answer or he's busy... so that's actually for the better. I still have his shirt and I keep going to it and I keep getting waves of loneliness but the way things are progressing I think I'll be able to pass it by soon enough...

On another note... Apparently Chris needs a place to stay and asked Bobby if the room is still open. Didn't ask me or respond to me asking him if he needed a place since I was thinking if I leave he and UK Bobby could move in, although now I'm hearing UK Bobby might not be coming back to Sac and that's sad, but he asks Bobby. Dunno how I'd deal with that. If he was overly bitter like before I might just kill him. Otherwise I think I'd be OK? I don't know... I think I'm over it totally since it was really just me being retarded and attached to... whatever I could attach myself to. I mean, like Jon brings up constantly... I couldn't name one good thing when asked about what I liked about him... only thing was that it was the comforting old feeling that the guy was making me feel like shit. Comfort good, I guess, but not in this case.

I keep finding flying bugs in my room. Then I get paranoid they're all over me and biting me and in my ears. I keep feeling things crawling in my ears. I hope it's not really happening.

I deleted Ben from this friends list... so he can't see this anymore... is that immature? I don't want to make another preferred blog thing and either way he'll know he's being left out... I don't know... I named him again. I named him Giggles McGee because whenever he's on chat he says "hehehe" after like everything that I say. Even if it really isn't funny.

I'm not wanting to go to bed. I was exhausted an hour ago. I really should have slept then. But this hollow feeling is so nauseating. I hate when I get in this phase and I avoid and put off going to bed so that I don't have to wake up... but it's going to happen and I know it will and it always happens at like 6am I get tired and pass out then don't want to wake up when I need to since, well, I went to bed fucking late. I wish I could just fix my brain and the fucking stupid logic I have. It's not even logic. When it comes to other things I'm more logical than most others, but when it's me... I know it's wrong but I still do stupid shit.

I feel like cutting again. No, I'm not going to since I scar really badly, but my wrists are doing the "empty me" thing again as if if I do then my inside aches will go out and go away. So I have the carpul tunnel and the emotional wrist ache. Lovely.

I fucking suck.

Oh, and I took an Ambien the other night and I totally didn't pass out. It took a lot of effort to fall asleep. Great. So now that doesn't work either? I can't afford to take two pills to sleep.

3:36 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos


i think i'm where you are. maybe it's good we don't live together right now. it would be like the pit of despair. wait. that's not right. that's where the albino was that tortured wesley. lightening sand? i dunno. whatever that really fast dry quicksand was in princess bride where they came out all icky and spitting out sand. yeah. it would be like that. only without the sand in the eyes and such.

i'm calling around to find out about individual health plan costs. still looking at wha. i'll let you know. would be nice if you had a consistent psych, eh?

Posted by Reowr on June 21, 2006 at 9:49 AM

just jon

sorry i started feeling better and bailed on coming over last night. remember... mi casa es su casa... literally... your name is on the lease after all. :-P oh...ummm well, until 7/30/2006. i'm out on that date. i finally signed the paperwork. i'll be getting storage this weekend. :-)

you sister is going to hate me for this but if you're going to cut, can i cut you? i like cutting things. give me a call.. we'll have a cut-a-thon. maybe some artistic scarification? :-p i have a plethora of new/unused scalpel blades. i bet if we heat the blades up till they're pink with my blowtorch it'll cauterize the wounds instantly.

(i'm really trying to scare the shit out of you so you don't cut)

(or am i?)

Posted by just jon on Wednesday, June 21, 2006 at 11:50 AM



Posted by Betty on Wednesday, June 21, 2006 at 2:44 PM

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